A Little Translation Experiment

Ama Duende
Mar 19, 2008 at 3:48 PM
4 comments

Poesia para espiritus libres writes lots of good poems, mostly gorgeous little love poems, but not in English. So we are trying a little translation experiment. My Spanish is pretty aged and needs work, so I would greatly appreciate anyone's jumping in and correcting me.

To Feel Her Like I Feel Her

is to be turned off and relit at the same time.

I feel my insides transform

like her blood floods me

circulating through my veins,

and her sweat leaks through my body.

The way her heart beats

in my impassioned chest,

how her gaze fastens

my dream’s horizon

mean so much to me

that I do not have thoughts

anywhere she is not

or a life to share elsewhere,

I will always live as two.

Espanol: http://franciscojessmuozsoler.vox.com/library/post/sentirla-como-la-siento.html

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Gracias por tu esfuerzo e interés.

[esto es genial]

This is a beautiful poem and a beautiful translation. I only wonder if you could use "turned on" in the first line instead of "relit"-- turned on has the connotation of being sexually turned on as well as being illuminated. I can't read Spanish, so you may be translating literally, but if it's ok with the original poet I think turned on would work. I also think it should be "as her blood floods me" in the third line. Otherwise, this looks like a very publishable poem for both of you!

Thanks for the comments! The turned off and relit part was where I needed a friend from PR to help me out -- fulgir is like when a fire goes out and starts up again, so I tried to keep something with fire in it.

[esto es genial]

Nice translation of a beautiful poem. Most of my Spanish, sadly, is limited to profanity and talk of tetas y pingas, putas y "la boca de su Madre" these days--blame my PR friend, not Sra Mayo--but you done good, kiddo.

A Little Translation Experiment

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